Over the past couple of years I’ve been hearing a lot of women say, “You Can’t Do It All”. This is an expression and belief uttered by many women. I’m here to say the opposite, “Yes, You Can Do It All!” If you’re wondering how it’s possible to do it all, I’ll tell you how; you need to be realistic.

 

Sometimes women aren’t realistic, they want to do things that they are not ready for, not good at, not qualified for, or don’t like doing. There are women who are in happy marriages, with children, who manage to do it all. They exist, you might even know a few. Or better, you might even be one of them.

As females we are gendered to be competitive with each other in the nastiest of ways. We are taught to compete against each other, but not against men. I’ve encountered many jealous, catty, and spiteful women in my lifetime. I often wondered why they needed to put me down, or become manipulative in trying to end my goals. I wanted so badly to tell these women that I have my own goals and I will reach them without having to personally attack another women, lie, steal, cheat, or be part of a mean girls group. It has meant that reaching my goals has taken longer, but when you do something with dedication, honesty, and integrity while helping others along the way; it will take time.

 

Women often want to do everything right now, all at once. Heaven forbid they should miss out on something and risk seeing yet another female achieve the same things you want. Your inability to do it all can often be rooted in your inability to keep up with the Jones.

 

Does it matter if ‘Suzy With Six Kids’ is able to be employed full-time, take her kids to leisure activities, and make homemade desserts without needing anti-depressants? It shouldn’t. You’re only job is to take care of your own life and your own family. You truly might not have what it takes mentally, physically, and spiritually to do as much as others are able to do.

 

Does it matter that ‘Single Sally’ is able to go to the gym six mornings per week before the sun rises, volunteer two times a week, and hold down a full-time job while having a seemingly non-stop social life? No, it doesn’t matter. Again, your responsibility is to focus on your own life and not that of others.

 

The root of becoming depressed, frustrated, and envious of others who can and have done it all is comparison. Try being happy for those who can successfully juggle multiple things in life without coming undone. It isn’t an easy thing to do. Instead of spiteful comparison, respect the sacrifices these women make in order to have the things in life that they value and cherish.

A great way to not become obsessed with doing it all is to make time bound goals that are flexible. Break them down into 1: week, month, year, and decade. It also helps to have a 5 year plan as well. When things are spaced out you won’t feel pressured to achieve everything at once.

 

Let’s not forgot about the saddest book of the bible, that of Ecclesiastes. “Meaningless! Meaningless! Says the Teacher. Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless” (Ecclesiastes 1:2). The writer of these words sounds hopeless and depressed. I’m not interested in his view of life on earth. Our lives our meaningful, but short. We are only here for our one appearance, so it’s best to make it count.

 

If you want your life to be meaningless then do things you weren’t meant to do. Make no time in your life for things that feed your spirit and your soul. Be angry, be bitter, be boisterous. Demand things you haven’t earned. Treat people with disrespect. Love only those who love you back. Live by the motto ‘an eye for an eye’. Never forgive, but if you do, don’t forget.

 

When you feel as if you have to do it all, remember those women who truly have to do it all. The single mothers who are the sole support for their children. Women on the other side of the world who have to wake up and walk miles for clean water then spend all day in hard labour cooking and cleaning, and doing whatever they can to survive so their children can literally survive as well. They are the ultimate definition of “doing it all” and doing it every day without stopping or risk the mortality of their families. We have a choice as to what constitutes “all”, they don’t.

 

Life is what you make it. This is more than a cliché, it’s a mentality.

 

Ladies, before you decide to do it all, please be realistic and ask yourself some of these following questions:

1. Why do I want this?
2. How will this make my life better as I work towards my goal? How will this make my life better once I have achieved this? How will this make the lives of my partner and/or children better?
3. Is this something that I necessarily need to do now? Can it wait for another year, 5 years, or 10 years? Can’t this be something that places on a bucket list instead, of on my daily to-do list?
4. What are my weaknesses? Do I give in to the feelings of anger, jealousy, envy, racism, sexism, or competitiveness?
5. How will I handle my emotions, and my life if I don’t achieve this goal?
6. Have I been doing all that I can to achieve the things I want?
7. Am I ready, willing, and able to make sacrifices?
8. Is this something that I could be at minimum, marginally good at?
9. Do others, who are not in my inner circle see me as being good at what I want to achieve?
10. Do I rely too much on confirmation from others instead of measurable results?
11. Have I included God and much prayer and meditation on His word?
12. Will my actions cause harm to others?

Additional reading:

Superwoman Syndrome and the Pressure to Do It All:  http://anastasiaamour.com/2014/11/12/superwoman-syndrome-and-the-pressure-to-do-it-all/