Excuses, I’ve made many of them in my lifetime and so have others. Over the years I’ve realized that excuses require too much energy and way too much planning. Excuses take up a lot of head space.

I have many goals, most of which are taking a long time to achieve, and I’ve made peace with that. I’m learning that the goals I’ve set for my life do not have a set end date; these are goals that have become lifestyle habits that need to be maintained for the rest of my life.

I made it my goal to eat healthier foods, exercise regularly, overcome irrational fears, and these are just a few of my goals. These are no longer in my “goal” category, I now call them lifetime habits and personal values. Instead of saying, ‘my goals are…’, I now say, ‘my health mission in life is to maintain a lifestyle of healthy eating, regular exercise that is not excessive or damaging to my body, and to manage my anxiety.’

I realized that many of the excuses that people use are a result of them creating goals which they have no real intentions of ever fulfilling. It can be difficult to work towards goals that do not align with your personal values. If you don’t value eating healthy, then making a goal to eat healthier foods is pointless. If you don’t value reading and creativity, then it might not be worthwhile for you to make a goal of writing a novel, or joining a monthly book club.

I’m a big believer in asking yourself and others, “Why do you want to do this?” “Why do you want to achieve this?” and I also ask, “Is this important to you?” “Does this align with what you value?” If you find yourself constantly making excuses as to why you haven’t taken meaningful action(s) towards your goals, then it’s time to stop, be honest with yourself, and with others.

By constantly making excuses you show others and yourself that you lack sincerity, commitment, and the work ethic required to accomplish your goals. It’s best to tell yourself and then others that you are not ready to do the necessary work to reach a goal or make a lifestyle change. Being honest is always a much better choice for yourself rather than continuously avoiding the things that need to be done. Honesty always uses less mental energy than excuses. Honesty doesn’t require creating a variety of reasons for your actions; what happens instead, is you simply tell the truth.

Here’s a simple example of honesty:

Friend: “Hi Kim, did you go to the gym this week? I haven’t seen your car in the parking lot for a few days.”

Kim: “No. I haven’t been to the gym is 4 days. I didn’t feel like going. I hung out at home instead.”

Here is an example of excuses:

Friend: “Hi Kim, did you go to the gym this week? I haven’t seen your car in the parking lot for a few days.”

Kim: “No. On Monday it was a really long day at work and I was wasn’t feeling well by the end of the day. On Tuesday my cat looked really sad and I didn’t want to leave him alone. He’s such a momma’s boy. On Wednesday my friend broke up with her boyfriend, so I stayed home to talk to her on the phone and cheer her up. On Thursday it was a full moon and I decided it was safer to stay home. You know how it is when there’s a full moon?”

We all makes excuses, but when they are too frequent, it is a sign of a possible character flaw. It doesn’t make you or I a bad person, but it does require that we take a look at our self and ask why we have developed this bad habit. Is it defensiveness, is it fear, is it denial? Don’t be afraid to engage in self-assessment. It’s not easy, but we always benefit from being honest with ourselves.